Saturday. Tried all week to find some time to get an update on my cleanse into the blog but simply didn’t have time. Days flying by.
Tuesday night was the end of my cleanse. Wednesday morning my “official” (meaning I used the same scale in my kitchen as I did on the Wednesday morning after my cleanse start) down 16 pounds in 28 days. Not bad. Most of the weight came off in the beginning and toward the end it was a slow trickle but as long as it was trickling in the right direction I didn’t care.
To be honest, this cleanse was supposed to be about detoxifying. And I guess in a way it was. I felt out of control when I started. I was at an all time high. I didn’t see any real way of changing that. I couldn’t stop my cravings. If I can add another item to my list of things I believe in [right up there with “without struggle there is no growth”] I will have to say it would be “Biology will win every time.” I don’t care how strong-willed you are, an instinct or a craving will eventually win. You can fight it for a while, but resistance is futile. If you have a chemical, hormonal or even emotional craving you will buckle. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but it will happen if you don’t kill the craving. I do believe you can squash cravings. The only way to beat them is to not let them appear in the first place or suffer enough through it and cleanse your way out of them. There are foods that create triggers in certain people that make it impossible for them to resist.
I have a good friend who is has been a size six her entire life. She has a crazy fast metabolism and lives on boxes of Girl Scout cookies. She buys a year’s supply and keeps them in her freezer. (Though I think they have so many preservatives they have a shelf life of a decade or so). She does eat regular food on occasion too, but often she is so full from eating her three sleeves of thin mints that she can’t get through a full meal. She craves the chocolate and sugar. But she is also in her sixties now and although I would call her far from healthy, she looks good on the outside, no weight problem — no muscle tone either but nobody bothers her about her sugar addiction because she burns it off. She is the only person I know who can do this. The rest of us who give into sugar cravings just get fat. The bitter irony is satisfying cravings begets more cravings.
Tuesday night I finished my cleanse. I was feeling really good. Convinced that I would never, ever, ever fall prey to my carbohydrate monster. My mantra had become “I am Spinach and Kale and Spinach and Kale are me. We are one and the same.” Wednesday I took my niece out to the theater in Hartford. The Hartford Stage is my kind of theater, they let you bring a glass of wine in with you to the show. I hesitated for a second and reminded myself “if you are going to have a glass of wine it is going to be a good one, not theater rot gut.” My niece came back with her rum and coke and handed me a bottle of water “I don’t know if you are still cleansing so I brought you this.” I felt smug and secure. “I am water and water is me.” Om shanti Om.
After the show (we saw Mikael Baryshnikov act in Chekov’s “The Man in the Case” well done performance) we went out to dinner at Max Downtown. My treat, her birthday, beautiful upscale restaurant. Everyone in the place was dressed up, the linens were on the tables, the service was wonderful and the next thing I know I’m ordering a glass of a Meritage Max Family “Cuvee” Hartford Artist Series. Oh of course I had to try it. And yes it was delicious and yes I had two glasses. And to top that off I ate the dinner roll they put in front of me before my brain could even grasp what was happening. No it was not gluten-free. Yes it was delicious. I ordered a vegetable plate (I just order a bunch of side veggies and it usually comes out better than anything else on the menu) but somehow while I’m ordering the words “I think I’ll try the truffled tater tots too.” I looked around to see who said that but it was too late. The order was placed and the tots were on the way. I did take a moment to observe my incredible ability to ignore the obvious. I checked in with myself “you do know what you are doing, right?” And the little voice responded “shut up and get out of my way.”
We had a lovely dinner. I enjoyed every tot and two glasses of the Meritage and the dinner roll. I was so stuffed I could barely get the veggies in. I came home and of course felt defeated. There you are. You’ve totally blown it all that hard work and in one moment of weakness it’s all out the window. I didn’t think I could undo what obvious harm I had done to my perfectly detoxed body. One of the lines from my class popped into my head “Guilt is one of the worst toxins we can ingest.” My other little voice chimed in “shut up, I was bad and I know it.”
Thursday morning I woke up prepared to fall prey to cravings and find myself assaulting a Dunkin’ donuts or the like. To my surprise, I found myself grabbing my protein powder, blueberries, spinach, almonds, spirulina and cocoa powder. I made my regular smoothie and was off to Spin class like nothing had happened. Friday too, no problem, had my shopping list, bought my groceries, went for a run and had a lot of energy. This morning the same. No cravings. No backlash from the totter incident. I feel like I dodged a bullet. All is not lost but if I did that two nights in a row, if I didn’t get back on track quickly with my next meal I think I would be down the slippery slope in no time.
This morning as I meditated I tried to speak to my inner voice with kindness and love by reminding myself to “Begin Again. Start each day with beginner mind.” To which it replied “yeah, I’m still here, don’t get cocky.”
BTW, I’ve been doing the Deepak/Oprah 21 day meditation challenge and this one is a good one. It is about Perfect Health (which I think is fitting.) So far I am on day 6 and I like it. (Wasn’t thrilled with his last one but this one I think is good.) It’s my favorite price (free). Here is the link https://www.chopracentermeditation.com/Bestsellers/LandingPage.aspx?BookId=178
They keep it free for a about two weeks afterward so you don’t have to worry about starting late.
And just in case you haven’t had enough pictures of Higgins on facebook, this one I posted there but it’s my favorite so far. He’s just so happy. He is such a good dog. He’s a handful but he responds well to training. (Hmmm sounds like someone else I know…)