5/13/10 Goldilocks

I got this quote from Ralph Marston who puts out the daily motivator.  
If you’re able to worry, you’re also able to be confident. Because from a functional standpoint, worry and confidence are pretty much the same thing.Worry is the expectation that something negative will happen. Confidence is the expectation that something positive will happen.

Thursday.  Recovery week.  Chance to let our muscles recovery a little and gear up for the challenging workouts ahead.  Also a chance for us to take inventory on how we are doing — test our speed in swimming, biking and running.  For me I have additional marker data — how am I sleeping, eating and feeling overall?  I have to say my results are kind of surprising.

Yesterday was my 4th week of taking weekly mega doses of my vitamin D and daily mega doses of Iron.  And week two of new dosage of Synthroid. As I was about to take my vitamin D mega dose and mark it down I noticed that yes, in fact, I feel different.  For about the ten days or so there has been something different going on inside of me. I can’t put my exact finger on it.  I don’t feel extra sparkly, I’m not bouncing off the walls, but there is something different.  Deep down inside — where I used to feel this empty pit of fatigue and something sucking at my strength at the cellular level, it feels different.  I can’t think of the word to describe it other than unfazed.  My cells are not crying out “stop you are murdering us!”, they are kind of just sitting there saying “oh it’s Thursday?  what do you want in your coffee?”  It’s not so much calmness (although it is calm) it is more like undisturbed.  I can’t think of any other way to explain it.  I’m not up, I’m not down, I’m just hanging.  Dare I use the word, “normal?”

Over the weekend in CT, I got 8-9 hours of sleep every night.  I notice that I sleep better in CT.  I cannot stress how much sleeping full nights has been helping me.  Last night in NYC, I kept waking up every hour.  I think I’m going to try the ear plugs and eye shades tonight to see if that makes a difference.  In CT it is pitch black and the only sounds are those stupid birds chirping so happily outside my window in the morning.  NYC has an underlying roar that I think disrupts sleep patterns.

Tuesday I had a nice easy run in CT before heading back to NYC.  I was very pleased with how long I could go before I needed a break.  I’m starting to be able to just slow down a little and not actually have to stop.  The fact that I have more than one speed is pretty amazing.  I made up a hill that I haven’t ever ran up.  I was pooped at the top but I made it.

Yesterday I got back in the pool to swim for the first time since St. Anthony’s.  We had a nice easy 1 mile workout.  Just what I needed.  Something to reaquaint me to the water before I do my 2 mile time trial on Friday.  I wasn’t stressing about my splits (though I took them and they were on the slower side like 1:08’s — I’ve done worse and I’ve done better).  I had no judgment about it — just do what they say to do and see how it comes out.   1:08?  That’s interesting.  End of worrying about it.

This morning we had our bike time trial.  I was 1 minute slower overall but I’m okay with it.   1 minute over an hour.  I’ll live.  30 seconds here or there, is this really what I’m worried about?  No.  I worked hard this morning though I was aware that my quads and hamstrings are no longer burning.  I’m wondering if I need to up it a little more.  I’m breathing hard so cardio-wise I’m working, but shouldn’t my muscles hurt more?  I don’t know, just an observation.  If I push harder my breathing will be too hard so I’m kind of stuck in the middle.  But the weird thing is I have no judgment about my performance.  That’s what it was today.  The park was a little more crowded.  I got caught several times by large groups (why do they have to ride with 20 people in a pack? Can’t they break up into smaller groups?)  My time for 3 loops was 1:01 which comes out to 17.6.   That might have freaked me out before that I’m a good minute+ per mile slower than I used to be but now I’m not fazed.  It is what it is, just keep working at it.  I’m truly grateful that I can be out there and riding and getting stronger.

After Friday’s swim time trial I have a 10k race in Central Park on Saturday.  I’m pretty excited about it because it’s a 10k.   It’s not a half marathon.  I haven’t done a 10k race in a long time.  I think I can run the whole thing (maybe I’ll have to walk a smidge but not too much).    I’m going to try my best to just run the hills and recover down.  But we’ll wait and let it reveal itself to me.   Not good, not bad, just is.

So I’m okay.  Not feeling powerful and strong but I’m not feeling weak either.  My mood seems even.  Systemically I think this is a very good place to be.  Nothing in me is overly anything.  I’m not overly tired, overly rested, overly stressed, overly excited.  I’m not nervous about Ironman, I’m not nervous about Tupper lake and I’m not nervous about Memorial Day camp.  I’m ready to hunker down and work hard and just see where it all takes me.  Look up when I’m done and see where I am.  Right now I’m just somewhere right in the middle… like Goldilocks.



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