Friday. After three days (or more) of feeling like crap I feel much better today.
Wednesday night I was going to do my 1 hour run by the river. I had played tennis in the morning but I still wanted some mileage in. I hadn’t been feeling too well. My mother called and told me to take it easy — that I was doing too much, listen to my body. If I am feeling achy, rest. So of course I put on my running shoes and headed to the river. I ran for about twenty feet and the backs of my knee caps were scraping and I knew that was not right to run with that feeling. So I did an intense power walk for 1 hour. I had a good workout, I was breathing fairly hard for walking and it didn’t hurt my kneecaps so I thought that was a nice compromise.
Thursday a.m. we had another bike workout. 12 people at the grown up table and just 4 of us at the kids table. At least this week we were able to recover and regroup instead of splintering off into singles. I know I have more in me somewhere, I just don’t know where it is right now. Jackie tells me I need to pull more from the core for the uphills. I will work on that. I feel like I’m singing that Amy Winehouse rehab song telling my legs to go, go, go and they say no, no, no.
At lunch I went to see my acupuncturist Mark (he is truly a miracle worker http://www.markthompsonacupuncture.com/).
I like to think of myself as an active patient. What ever doctor or healer I am visiting, I ask a lot of questions. What’s that you’re about to stick into me? Why aren’t you using more Novocaine? How long can I take Vicodin before I become an addict? Think I’ll be healed by Tuesday at noon? I am sure I am very annoying to most healers, but Mark always shows me great patience. He’ll touch a point on my body and if I feel any sensitivity I say “what’s that?” He’ll usually come back with something like “that’s on your kidney meridian” or “that’s a lung point” while pressing on a spot on my foot or hand. After thanking him for helping me get through Ironman injury free (and I give him MAJOR credit), I told him about my latest round of complaints — the backs of my knee caps were scraping again. Despite taking Tylenol Cold and Sinus it seems I have a cold or sinus problem that won’t go away and for no apparent reason I’m not sleeping which is making me tired and depressed and eating too much to try to get energy. He touched my hair and pressed a few points. “Ow, I feel that, what’s that?” I shot a concerned look at him. “That’s your head.” We both cracked up laughing at that one. Acupuncture Comedy therapy. Ancient Chinese proverb: Confucius say don’t take yourself too seriously.
By evening I felt the pressure in my sinuses release and for the first time in 3 days I didn’t feel like I was talking in a wind tunnel. I was feeling in a little better mood so I was getting ready to go after work for my evening run when I found out I got tickets to Shakespeare in the Park via their virtual line. [For anyone who doesn’t know about this, instead of standing in line the day of the production to get your free tickets, you can go online to http://vline.publictheater.org:8080/account/ and set up a free account. Then every morning you join the virtual line by signing in. At 1 p.m. they tell you if you received two free tix. It’s a crap shoot as to whether or not you’ll receive tickets. I did it 4 different days over the last two weeks, yesterday being the 4th day and voila!! I got tickets. My friend Paul and I walked up to the theater before show time, showed my ID, they handed me the tickets. Nothing to it — no lines, no waiting, no CHARGE!! Free tickets.}
We saw HAIR and both enjoyed the performance. The weather was amazing. Perfect temperature for an outdoor production. The music and dancing is just great. So much energy on that stage. I kept looking at Paul saying “they look so young!” He said “I have suits older than them. Suits you were with me when I bought them!!” Great, don’t remind me!! I kept looking at the amazing athleticism on that stage. Dancing. That’s what I need to do. Dance. Look how strong and powerful they all look. “Yeah but you did an Ironman, none of them could do that.” Big deal, I thought, I could pick anyone of them and train them to do an Ironman in 6 months and they would all beat me. You could put me on Dancing with the Stars for two years and I still couldn’t Two Step. They were amazing tributes to the power and grace of the human body. Excuse me while I throw out this donut.
I stumbled upon a book called “Racing in the Rain” by Garth Stein. Of course with a title like that I had to investigate. I am not finished but so far it is somewhat cute — narrator is a dog. The racing is referring to the dog’s owner who races cars and the title refers to lessons he learned from Italian sports car drivers about racing in the rain. The big lesson comes in the phrase ‘that which you manifest lies before you.’ I get it, if you see the rain as a problem, it is a problem. If you see it as just another surface it is just another surface. Or so they say… In golf, if you look at the water hazard you might as well just walk over and throw the ball in because that’s where it is going. What you focus on is what appears. Yadda, yadda, yadda, same ole same old “The Secret” stuff. But it’s been haunting me a little bit. How much of my own anxiety do I create for myself?
When I used to teach computers, (a long, long, time ago) I used to always tell my frustrated students to stop every once in awhile and look at how far they have come instead of focussing on far they have to go. How we choose to see ourselves is our choice. We can see ourselves as making incredible progress or we can see ourselves as years away from an ever-moving goal. Whichever vision you choose or manifest is what becomes your reality. “That which you manifest lies before you.” As Wayne Dyer always says “what you focus on, expands.” I eat too much, I drink too much. You’re right!! I drink much less than I used to, I eat much less than I used to. You’re right again!! My husband never pays attention to me. You’re right. My boss hates me, I’m too slow, I’ll never be like her, My mother-in-law is annoying, my stomach is too big, I can’t do this, I’ll never get to goal, I’ll, I’ll, I’ll, I’ll…. Whatever it is you are right. What you see before you is that which you have manifested. (In WW we talk about this a lot as Reframing — taking a negative outlook and turning it into a positive one.)
I go back to a day at Sutton Tennis Club many years ago, 8? 10 years ago? I was playing doubles with my friend Corinne. I kept trying to serve out wide but couldn’t get that ball in to save my life. Like the guy in the movie Tin Cup, I refused to give up on this one stupid shot. I was blinded by my own focus. I was blowing the whole game trying to serve to one spot. “I don’t know what’s wrong, I can’t serve out wide. I can’t.” Corinne turned to me and said “you’re right, you can’t, aim for a different spot.’ A duh. I aimed for up the middle and swoosh. There it went. Sometimes it’s just a tiny change in focus, that’s all you need.
There, I think I mixed and destroyed enough metafors for one day. I could go on but I’m going to focus now on changing what I choose to believe about myself for today. I’m not slow, I’m getting warmed up. I’m not struggling with tracking points, I’m fine tuning my relationship with food. I’m very excited that weight watchers has added a new tool for tracking. I can now use my blackberry. http://www.weightwatchers.com/templates/Marketing/Marketing_Utool_1col.aspx?pageid=1092821 It synchs with my online tracker so I can track on the go. Wherever I am, no excuse. Track away. Oh crap, no excuse. Now what will I do?
Just a little something to make me laugh today.