Friday. Had a decent swim this morning. No drag shorts required, woo-hoo. Did some drills and then a nice 40 minute swim with no interruptions. Shared a lane with a guy exactly my speed which was pleasant and unusual (until I got out of the pool and saw how slow he was!!) Tomorrow we have a swim and a run, Sunday a bike. Not a tough weekend but I feel good so I should be able to do my best.
I went to my WW meeting today very happy KNOWING that I was going to be down at least the .4 pounds necessary to hit my 35 pound mark. Walking over to the meeting I had decided that 2.8 would be a really deserved number. Yeah, 2.8. That’s what I want to hear her say!
I was confident, even cocky as I walked up to the scale. I was unjustly denied last week and there was NO WAY that it was going to happen again this week. (I was convinced it was last Thursday’s Sushi that had tampered with my results). “Bring it on” I joked with the gal behind the counter. “I’m good for at least 1 if not 2 pounds this week.” There was no way, and I mean NO WAY I was not going to be down. I was a model WW’er this week. I tracked every point — even my big dinner out with wine, bread, olive oil, pasta — tracked it all…. I was ready for it. Ready to bask in my glory of regaining my 35 pound loss. Okay, sure I had used all my activity points and we are really not supposed to do that but I had 8 weekly points left in the bank so by math I should have been good….
I got on the scale. She looked at me, she looked at the computer. She looked back at me. I shook my head no way. C’MON, no fair!!! I couldn’t take it. I had worked so hard if she she said I hadn’t made it I was going to scream. Then she said the unbelievable. “Oh, you got the point four alright, five point four!” My jaw dropped to my chest. Fffffiiivve point four? Ffffiiiveee? “Yep, you just hit 40 pounds, congratulations.”
I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say. I’ve been trying to hit 40 pounds since January of 2005. I just stepped off the scale and did the happy dance and shook my arms in the air. I felt like one of those audience members whose seat number gets called because she won a prize in a random drawing. At first she is stunned, looking around to make sure they are pointing at her. Then she starts screaming wildly. What? I won a toaster? OMG, I never win anything!!!! Then she starts crying because the story turns out that she just lost her job, her marriage is falling apart and the mortgage on the house is higher than it’s resale value so they can’t even separate. But she’s thrilled that finally, FINALLY, a lucky break. She won a toaster!! It’s not about the toaster, it’s about finally getting a breakthrough — a change in her fate. Yep that’s how excited I feel. It’s kind of surreal. It was not expected. And quite frankly it’s unbelievable.
To shoot for one goal and totally blow right past it to the next is a very strange feeling. (I liken it to the year I just wanted to break a 4 hour Olympic distance and did it in 3:40 something.) I did whaaaa??? I think it is extra appropriate that it happened on Leap Day (is that a word?) in a Leap Year because I think the strange and unexpected are supposed to happen today.
I didn’t realize exactly how much weight I had gained after Lake Placid. I looked back through my books to find it was actually 20 pounds. (For some reason I kept thinking it was 12. I don’t know how I got that idea.) So since September 14th when I returned to WW after my accident I’ve lost 20 pounds. That’s pretty good.
So here I am 3 years later (almost exactly, I started mid-January). And I’m at 40 pounds total loss. Of course I thought I would have been at 40 pounds 3 years ago and have gone onto lifetime goal already. Nonetheless, it’s been a tremendous learning journey and I’m not sure I would have appreciated it as much if it all just fell off right away. Through my ups and downs I have learned a lot about the scary stuff that goes on in my head. I can say without a doubt I am not the same WW member who sat in my chair for the first time 3 years ago. That said, I’m also aware I have many miles to go… I remain a work in progress.
Today’s meeting was a continuation of last week’s meeting on what it takes to reach a goal.
The topic on the board was “ENERGY FOLLOWS THOUGHT.” I’m a firm believer in this. You are what you eat and you are what you think. If you think you are a loser (in both the good and bad sense of the word) you are. I’m paraphrasing Maya Angelou here but she said something like believe what someone tells you about themselves because that’s what they believe about themselves so that’s what they will be. (Sounds better when she says it.)
We talked about the opposite of ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts). APT (Automatic Positive Thoughts.) I do not have as much APT as I do ANTs but I’m working on it.
Then we finished discussing the last 5 of Jack Cornfield’s 10 steps to achieving your goals. (See the bottom of this post for the complete list started last Friday). In bold are his comments, mine follow.
6. Visualize & Affirm your goals. So much of all of this is mental. I really do believe in the what-you-think-you-become theory. Not to say there are not physical drawbacks and limitations but in order take on any goal you have to have mental picture of seeing yourself do it. The actions will follow your visions. Do you see yourself buying bags of Doritos or slicing apples? I think for a long time it became hard for me to visualize success. I have been up and down most of my adult life. I’ve tried low carb, low fat, grapefruit, no fruit, you name it. And it’s true all of them work for awhile. But nothing works long term unless you see it, believe it and become it. I can’t say that I’ve truly mastered visualization. I can just say that I appreciate its power. Probably of all the steps this is the hardest for me. A part of me is still that toaster woman, jumping up and down shouting “me? really? me?” This week I’m going to spend some extra time with positive affirmations. The one we left the meeting with today was “I deserve to feel good about me.” That’s a little corny for me, I kind of prefer “You’re stronger than you think.” (I got that from a 2XU commercial on my Vision board with Michellie Jones looking quite badash.)
7. Take Action. Well, that goes without saying if you ask me. If you like how your life is going, keep doing what you’re doing. If you’re not happy, if it’s not working for you, you have to change something.
8. Respond to Feedback. Of course, if it was working and now it is not working, you have to respond. The journey is rarely smooth sailing. We all hit little waves that toss our boat. The key is to adjust course as necessary. It is all about tiny little adjustments.
9. Perservence. This is a big one for me too. Right now I’m in a difficult spot psychologically speaking. I was on some kind of automatic pilot this week. Several times I kept saying out loud “who are you and what did you do with the real me?” I was focussed, I was in control and I was excited. But now I have to keep going. It’s like I’ve only done one loop of the bike course. Now the big question, am I going to crash again or keep sailing right on through to the finish line? I choose finish line.
10. Celebrate your success. (own it!) Okay I can celebrate because I am truly happy. Stunned, but happy. But can I own it? Hmmmm. Not so sure about that. It’s like my PR’s in running. I always have a little voice in the back of my head that says “ah, that was just a fluke.” I want to work on changing that voice to — “awesome, next goal, here I come.”
So goals for this week. I want to get as far away from that 40 pound mark as I can (in the positive direction.) Shop and track every morsel that passes my lips. I want to push a little harder right now to get a solid lead. I think it’s like biking up a steep hill. When we get to the top we are not supposed to relax we are supposed to start pedalling faster over the top of the crest until we are down the other side. Even going down the hill you have to pedal to keep the momentum going. You still pedal, it’s just easier with momentum. I know too well how easy it is to coast down the hill only to find that picking up momentum again is not that easy. (Cycling metaphor compliments of my friend Charlee.)
I want to keep reminding myself that I did not suffer at all this week. I ate plenty of good, nutritious food. I did nothing that was not maintainable for the rest of my life. This is a lifestyle, not a diet. I will continue to take care of myself and be positive. The results will be what they will be. (Repeat 10,000 times.) Energy follows thought. Energy follows thought.
Here are the 10 steps for reaching goals from Jack Cornfield:
Acknowledge the positive past.
Use positive self talk.
Build on your strengths.
Clarify your vision & purpose.
Set Measurable goals.
Visualize & Affirm your goals.
Respond to Feedback.
Celebrate your success.