Wednesday. Wisdom day. As usual nothing of the wise sort is coming through so hopefully something will reveal in the process.
I’m finding it hard to stay on plan. I’ve been documenting everything that I’ve been putting into my mouth and can I just say “no freakin’ wonder?” Monday and Tuesday I went way over my points, used my activity points and went into my weekly extra points. I am learning a lot about the way I eat which is often. I see now how essential it is to be well stocked with zero point foods for snacking, otherwise I’m leaning toward the whole wheat bread and peanut butter. I am finding a freedom on FLEX plan to eat foods that I wasn’t eating before (like whole wheat bread and peanut butter) but at the same time I’m seeing how many points there are in an innocent little one piece of bread and tblspoon of peanut butter. By the end of the day my million little meals are piling up into a lot of food.
There are some tricks to make this work and I see popcorn is going to become my new best friend. I have one of those microwave popcorn poppers and you can eat a ton of popcorn (no butter) for 1 point. I need some more fresh veggies around and need to come up with some fat free dips for them. (Less fruit, more veggies). Today will go to the grocery store and stock up. I see now also that my abundant eating of fruit is not really a wise use of points. A nectarine is 1 point. But if I ate a bag of carrots it is 0 points. Better to go with the carrots and feel more full.
Feeling full seems to be my objective. I keep reaching for dense foods because I am hungry. What I think I’m missing is bulk. I need to reach for more filling, fiber-rich foods to give me that full feeling. An egg doesn’t do it for me.
When I see how many points I can easily consume in one day without even adding in a glass of wine (which I haven’t been able to afford on the Flex plan) I can see where my weight is coming from. Forcing myself to write everything down is really revealing a lot to me. I think subconsciously I didn’t want to do that before because I probably knew the answer already and I didn’t want to hear it.
I originally said I was just going to do 2 weeks on FLEX but I think I am going to extend it for a little longer — not so much for the weight loss but for the understanding of what is going on. If I can use FLEX to help train me into habits that keep me in a lower calorie range on an average day, I think this will help me tremendously.
Today I have a Pilates session and then I’ll hit the pool again. I ran for 45 minutes yesterday doing pick ups and then did the pool for 1/2 hour. I’m enjoying the swimming which I think is a great crosstrainer and helps my knees. I’m still trying to teach myself to breath on both sides which is amazingly difficult for me. I am getting a little better but I’m not there yet. I’m trying to figure out where to put in a bike session this week — not sure it is going to happen.
We got our training schedule for September. This Saturday we will be running 15 miles and our goal is to get one 20 mile and one 18 mile run in before the race. I guess the idea is if we can run 20 we can run 26.2. Geesh, I don’t know — another 6.2 is another 70 minutes for me. But I guess if I’m already out there for 5 hours, what’s another 70 minutes?
Right now I’m totally focused on food. I think the workouts are taking care of themselves and I’m working pretty hard in the gym and on in my practices. I see a lot of similarities in the long journey to believing that I can run 26.2 and believing I can lose 20 more pounds. I’m not sure I really believe either one quite yet.
It is apparent to me that there is no easy way to lose weight. There are many levels of change — psychological, physical and behavioral. Sometimes I think I want to eat because of emotions. Sometimes I know I want to eat because I’m hungry. Sometimes I eat without thinking about it. (That’s the worst because then I have to write it down and I didn’t even get to enjoy it.) I guess it’s the same with running the marathon. Our coach writes that we are now entering the phase where running is more in the mind than in the body. Great, all this work on my body and now he wants my mind to be strong? He should have warned me earlier — that’s my weakest muscle!!!
Okay off to Pilates and then swimming and I guess now I have to throw in a meditation session too. It gets harder before it gets easier.
“My fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them.”